Want Your Child to Have a Healthy View of Sex? It Starts With You

I’m going to put this out there right at the start: our own sexuality impacts our children’s view of sex.

Most of us ‘know’ that God has declared sex as good within the contexts of marriage (or maybe you have no idea how good it can be), though some Christians still see it as a taboo subject. There are so many sex-related scandals, sins, addictions, abuse, and shame surrounding sex that our view has become distorted. We forget that God has said, through his Word, that sex points to the beauty, intimacy, love, and grace between Christ and his Church.

Sex is part of his creation that he has declared good; yet, like so many things it has been corrupted beyond recognition through the fall and the continual perversion of our culture.

Here is a glimpse into just one of our depravities - pornography - and the statistics are staggering. They reveal the impact it has on all of us in one way or another.

According to Pure Desire:

• Nearly 70% of men and 40% of women are regular porn users (58% Christian men and 24% Christian women).
• 12% of internet websites are pornographic, and every second 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography.
• 56% of divorces involve one spouse’s continued use of internet pornography (on a related note, the chance of infidelity increases by 300% when porn is involved).

Porn (or any sexual sin) is NOT okay. In ANY form (internet, strip clubs, erotic novels, etc.) or frequency (occasional usage is still an issue). Period.

We are indulging ourselves, rewiring our brains, setting up false expectations of love, sex, and relationships, adding to the serious problem of sex trafficking, and ultimately ruining the beauty of sex between a husband and wife.

It gets even messier and more confusing when we try to teach our kids about the gloriousness and sacredness of something that has crumbled so far with the fall. The world is screaming that sex is cheap, self-gratifying, and instant. Between the world’s portrayal and our silence, our kids are confused and set up for potential failures.

I get it, we are afraid to talk about it. Its uncomfortable. We don’t want to put ideas into their heads. We tremble at the thought of them knowing how hard and frequently we have fallen. But here’s the thing: our kids know when things are off, when we are not speaking the whole truth, when we aren’t living up to what our words are declaring. They are smart, and will call our bluff even if they cannot put their finger on it.

Our sexuality and sexual choices affect more than just us. It is easy to fall into the lie of “It’s not hurting anyone but me,” but isn’t that Satan’s goal – to draw us as far away from God with as many half-truths as possible? Secret sin causes destruction to people, family, and societies, and it grieves the heart of God.

So how do we reconcile this brokenness to the beauty of what should be?

• Pray. B

• e on your knees frequently for yourself, your spouse and children, your church, your community, and your world.
• Remember God’s purposes in sex: Pleasure, Protection, Procreation, and the Proclamation of God’s story. These are all really really good things. We get to bring life into this world and raise and care for the little minions that we adore and make us crazy. Sex is the most intimate and vulnerable way to connect to your spouse. It’s pleasurable, aids in guarding marriages, and it glorifies God. So, work through negative thoughts associated with it, and enjoy God's gift of marital sex!
• Know yourself, your weaknesses, and set appropriate boundaries. No one is above sexual sin or falling into Satan’s snares. Thinking we have our secret sin or temptations under control is dangerous and keeps us bound in daily struggle.
• Heal from past hurts. Now is the time to deal with your baggage, your “stuff.” In this way, counseling and therapy are invaluable. You go to the doctor for physicals; why not have someone to check in with for emotional, mental, and marital health?
• Bring sin into the light and admit your failure to people who have earned a right to hear your story. We all need people who are safe, authentic, and willing to walk the hard road, hold us accountable, and encourage us.
• Share your story and break the stigmas. None of us have or will walk out purity perfectly. We all will have areas of weakness. We will all fall short, but we need one another. Ultimately from a place of healing we can speak truth and bring healing and encouragement to others.
• Remember that good marriages are hard, but worth fighting for. Find healing and extend grace to yourself and others.

This isn’t about perfection. It surely isn’t about wearing masks and pretending like we’ve got it all together. The road is messy and hard and broken. This is a lifelong pursuit of purity, which is ultimately a pursuit of Christ, the one who makes us pure. Holiness isn’t achieved in one day. Sanctification doesn’t happen overnight. We aren’t going to do it perfectly, but Hope is coming. Always.

Note: I know this is a complicated issue and that there are many layers to our sexuality and sexual relations within marriage. I am by no means endorsing sex in abusive relationships, downplaying hurt or betrayals, or ignoring the issues of rape. Those are deeper issues than can be addressed in this blog. Seek help and counseling.

If you'd like to learn more about this from experts and those who have "been there" down this road, come to our April 14 Parent Seminar titled Encouraging a Biblical View of Sexuality in Your Children, presented by Cooper Pinson of Harvest USA. Click the button below for more details!

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